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[Thursday
October 29th
♥ 3:11am ♥] |
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I need a job. I need to go to school. & I need to fall asleep.
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[Tuesday
September 1st
♥ 6:11pm ♥] |
I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I can't shake this nervous feeling in my stomach.
It just won't go away. I feel as if I'm afraid of everything.
I always seem to think something bad is going to happen.
And I'll just sit there and think of every possible bad outcome of every situation.
I don't want to do anything but I know I should. It's getting harder and harder to get up everyday.
Then it comes time to sleep and just forget about it all.
But once I lay down more thoughts come.
I'm failing at everything I do. I'm just a burden to everyone. I will no doubt amount to nothing.
And the thoughts don't stop. So I lay there and I think, & I think, & I just don't stop thinking.
When the dreams finally do kick in they're always nightmares. Dreams in which I can't wake up.
Dreams in which I keep getting trapped or stuck in horrible situations and all my friends watch and no one helps me. I need the help.
I can't get out and I scream and scream but everyone just stares and laughs. Why are they laughing?
So I'll wake up in the middle of the night and the cycle starts again.
What could be wrong with me? I can never seem to get anything right.
I'll sit there and think of all the good I have and then the negativity hits me again.
I just can't seem to get out of my head. I just want these thoughts to stop and they just won't.
I just want to be happy again but I don't know what I'm doing.
I understand growing up is really hard, but is it supposed to eat at you until the point you feel like a nervous wreck all the time?
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[Monday
July 20th
♥ 2:17pm ♥] |
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Tattoos are completely worth the pain.
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[Thursday
July 16th
♥ 2:43pm ♥] |
When all is said and all is done I only have Cathleen to rely on.
And you know what?
That's completely fine with me.
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[Thursday
July 2nd
♥ 1:16pm ♥] |
Ashley is gay.
Ashley is bored.
Ashley has a hippie gang sign.
Ashley is addicted to drugs.
Ashley lost her cell phone.
Ashley is pregnant.
That's whassup.
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[Saturday
May 30th
♥ 11:15am ♥] |
Yesterday was the best day of my life.
I want everyday to be that good.
I love all the friends I can trust.
I'm proud of myself for taking my life in to my own hands.
I'm happy I had support while doing it.
& I know that no matter what I will always have Cathleen there for me.
I realized who matters and who doesn't & it's just a great feeling.
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[Monday
May 11th
♥ 7:59am ♥] |
Oh it's been a while.
Uhhh what's new?
I'm on an emotional roller coaster lately.
Also my hair is the devil and fades constantly.
I wish I had real things to write about but everything I want to put down is just too dumb to leave my head.
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[Monday
April 20th
♥ 9:02pm ♥] |
Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes, but let's contrast and compare. Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there.Bright eyes <3
Stomach hurts for no reason.
This sadness needs to go away.
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[Friday
April 17th
♥ 12:51pm ♥] |
I AM AN AWFUL PERSON.
I AM SO GUILTY.
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
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[Friday
April 17th
♥ 5:43am ♥] |
There's some titties on the tv right now.
Me and cat are trying to stay up all day.
Hopefully it's not an epic fail.
Uhhhh yeah.
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[Wednesday
April 15th
♥ 5:21am ♥] |
Why does it matter if the only one I want to talk to is the one person I can't talk to?
I can't seem to keep a smile for more than 5 minutes.
My throat is beginning to hurt from all these tears.
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[Saturday
April 11th
♥ 4:13am ♥] |
Oh man.
I have been kinda down in the dumps lately.
And every little thing just keeps making it worse.
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[Friday
March 27th
♥ 5:33am ♥] |
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SO SCARED
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[Tuesday
March 24th
♥ 11:28am ♥] |
It's freezing.
I have to pee.
& quitting smoking is harder than I thought.
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[Wednesday
March 11th
♥ 3:41pm ♥] |
Uhhh. I have barely been sober in 2 weeks.
I will miss benwinklercathleen nights.
In other news. There's this thing called hot guys. I see them everywhere. Makes me so sad.
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[Thursday
March 5th
♥ 12:02pm ♥] |
That boy is so beautiful.
I miss him.
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[Saturday
February 21st
♥ 6:10pm ♥] |
It doesn't matter how I feel.
I don't even care how I feel.
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[Wednesday
February 18th
♥ 1:58pm ♥] |
JKSDFHSDJFHSDFH
FUCK EVERYONE.
k thats all.
and yes you
everyone who reads this
every last person
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[Tuesday
February 17th
♥ 9:18am ♥] |
Nothing is private. Nothing.
So creeped.
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[Sunday
February 15th
♥ 4:48am ♥] |
Suck my dick.
That's all I can say.
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thepunkstutter's journal